Have I got something for you. Something
which will make you love me so much.

you will want to hug me every day
for the rest of my life.

Blimey. What is it?

Phone number of Anna Scott's agent
in London...

and her agent in New York.

Listen. you think about her all
the time. Now you can ring her.

Yeah. Brilliant. Thanks.

I'll see you tonight.
Hey. Marty. Ooh ! Sexy cardi.

Shh ! Hello !
I have a little speech to make.

I won't stand up because
I can't... be bothered.

Exactly a year ago today. this man here
started the finest restaurant in London.

- Hear. hear.
- Thank you very much.

Unfortunately.
no one ever came to eat here.

It's a tiny hiccup.

And so we have to face the fact
that from next week.

we must find somewhere new to eat.

I just want to say to Tony...
don't take it personally.

The more I think about things. the more
I see no rhyme or reason in life.

No one knows why some things work out
and some things don't.

Why some of us get lucky...

- and some of us--
- Get fired.

- What?
- No !

Yeah. well. it seems
they're shifting the whole outfit...

much more towards
the emerging markets.

And, of course, well,
l was total crap, so--

A toast to Bernie-- the worst
stockbroker in the whole world.

I thank you.
And Tony. the worst restaurateur.

- Tony and Bernie. Both crap...
- The terrible two.

in their own special ways.

Since it's an evening
of announcements.

uh. I've also got one.

Um. I've decided to get engaged.

l've found myself a nice,
slightly odd-looking bloke...

who I know is gonna make me happy
for the rest of my life.

Wait a sec. I mean. I--

I'm your brother. I don't know
anything about this. Is he--

Is he financially viable?

He's an artist...
with brilliant prospects.

This is a secret
you've been keeping from me.

By the way. it's you.

- Me?
- What do you think?

Well. yeah.

Groovy.

Excuse me.
Are there any more announcements?

Well. actually. yes.

l feel l should
apologize to everyone...

for my behaviour
over the last six months.

I have. as you know.
been somewhat down in the mouth.

There's an understatement.
There are dead people on better form.

But I just wish to make it clear
that I've turned a corner.

and. um. henceforward intend
to be impressively happy.

Without a love of my own

-Blue moon
-Ba-boom, ba-boom

You knew just what l was there for

Oh. God. I'm horribly drunk.

You heard me saying a prayer for

- Come here.
-Ba-boom, ba-boom

Someone l really could care for

So you've laid the ghost?

I believe I have.

Don't give a damn
about the famous girl?

No.

No. I don't think I do.

Which means you won't be distracted
by the fact that she's back in London...

grasping her Oscar...

and currently to be found filming.
most days. on Hampstead Heath.

Oh. God. no.

So not over her, in fact.

- Can I help you?
- Yeah. I'm. um--

- I'm looking for Anna Scott.
- Does she know you're coming?

No. No. uh. she doesn't.

- I'm afraid I can't let you through.
- Right.

I mean. I am actually a friend.
I'm not a lunatic. but--

- No. you basically. er--
- Can't let you through. sir.

Well. this is. uh--

I only found out
you were here yesterday.

- I was going to call. but I--
- Uh, Anna.

Yes. Um--

Things aren't going very well.
and it's our last day.

Absolutely. yeah.
You're clearly very busy.

But if-- if you could wait.

there are... things to say.

Okay.

Drink tea.
There's lots of tea.

Come and have a look.

Are you a fan of Henry James?

- This is a Henry James film?
- Yeah.

This is. uh. Harry.

He'll give you a pair of headphones
so you can hear the dialogue.

- Thank you very much.
- No problem.

- Hi.
- Hi. Here we go.

- Volume's on the side. Have a seat.
- Thank you.

We are living in cloud cuckoo land.
We'll never get this done today.

We've got to.
I have to be in New York on Thursday.

Oh. stop showing off.
God. that's an enormous ass.

- I'm not listening.
- But seriously. it's not fair.

So many tragic young teenagers
with anorexia...

and that girl has an ass
she could perfectly well share around...

with at least ten other women
and still be big-bottomed.

I would think. looking at
something nice like that.

you and your...
bony little excuse for an arse...

would be well advised to keep quiet.

Now down to business.
The end of the scene.

Um. I ask you when you're
telling everyone. and you say--

Um. tomorrow will be soon enough.

And then I-- Right. Okay.

Say. who was that rather diffident chap
I saw you talking to round the back?

No one.

Just some guy from the past. I--

It's a bit of an awkward situation.
I don't know what he's doing here.

'Course.

Thanks. I've got to. um--

Any time.

Ladies and gentlemen,
can we have you on your first marks?

On your first marks !

Uh. I-I do hate to disturb you
whilst you're cooking the books.

but. uh. there's a delivery for you.

Martin. really.
Can't you just do it yourself?

But you see. this is not for the shop.
This is for you.

Right. Okay.

Tell me. if I employ a wet rag. would I
have to pay it as much as I pay you?

Hi.

Hello.

You disappeared.

Yeah. Yeah. Um--

I had to leave.
I didn't want to disturb.

- How have you been?
- Fine. fine. Everything much the same.

When they change the law.
Spike and I will marry immediately.

Whereas you. I've watched in wonder.

- Awards. glory.
- Oh. no.

It's-- It's all nonsense. believe me.

I'd no idea how much nonsense
it was. but...

nonsense it all is.

Well. um--

Yesterday was our last day of filming.
so... I'm leaving.

But. um--

I brought this for you from home.

so I thought I'd give it to you.

Thank you.

Shall I--

Oh. no. don't open it now.
I'll be embarrassed.

Well. thank you. I don't know
what it's for. but thanks anyway.

Actually. I had it in my apartment.
and I thought you'd--

But when it came to it.
I didn't know how to call.

having behaved so badly.

Twice.

So it's just been
sitting in the hotel.

Then you came and... I figured--

The thing is--

What? What is the thing?

Don't even think about it.
Go away immediately.

- Go away.
- Right.

Sorry.

You were saying?

Yes.

I have to go away today. but I...

wondered if I didn't...

whether you might
let me see you a little.

or... a lot. maybe.

See if you could like me again.

But yesterday
that actor asked you who I was.

and you just
dismissed me out of hand.

I heard.

You had a microphone.
l had headphones.

You expect me
to tell the truth about my life...

to the most indiscreet man
in England?

Uh. excuse me.

It's your mother on the phone.

Will you tell her
I'll ring her back?

I've actually tried that tack. but
she said you've said that once before.

and it's now been about 24 hours...

and the foot that was purple
is now sort of blackish in colour and--

Right. right. Yeah.
Perfect timing. as ever.

Martin. hold the fort a second.

Uh, yes. All right.

Um, could l just say--

I thought Ghost
was the most wonderful film.

- Is that right?
- Oh. yes.

Um. I've always wondered...

what Patrick Swayze's like
in-- in-- in real life.

I can't say that I know Patrick
all that well.

He wasn't that friendly during filming?

Well, l'm sure he was friendly to
Demi Moore who acted with him in Ghost.

Oh. Oh. right.

Sorry.

Always been a bit of an ass.

Um, anyway-- Um--

Well. it was lovely to meet you.

I'm a huge. huge fan of yours.

And Demi's, of course.

Sorry.

That's fine.

There's always a pause when the jury
goes out to consider their verdict.

Anna. look. um--

I'm a fairly levelheaded bloke.

not often in and out of love.

But. uh--

Can I just say no to your...

kind request and. uh. leave it at that?

Yes.

Fine. Of course. I--

Of course.

I'll just be going. then.
It was nice to see you.

The thing is.

with you I'm in real... danger.

It seems like a... perfect situation.

apart from that
foul temper of yours. but...

my relatively inexperienced heart
would. I fear. not...

recover. uh. if I was...

once again cast aside.
as I would absolutely expect to be.

There are just too many pictures of you.
too many films.

You'd go and I'd be. uh.

well. buggered. basically.

That really is a real no. isn't it?

I live in Notting Hill.
You live in... Beverly Hills.

Everyone in the world
knows who you are.

My mother has trouble
remembering my name.

Fine.

Fine. Good decision.
Good decision.

The fame thing isn't really real.
you know?

And don't forget I'm--

I'm also just a girl...

standing in front of a boy...

asking him to love her.

Goodbye.

So what do you think?
Good move?

Yeah. good move.

I mean. when all's said and done.
she's nothing special.

I saw her taking her trousers down.

and I definitely glimpsed
some cellulite down there.

Good decision. yeah.

All actresses are as mad as snakes.

- Tones. what do you reckon?
- Never met her. never want to.

- Brilliant. Max?
- Absolutely. Never trust a vegetarian.

Great. Thanks. Brilliant.

I was called and I came. What's up?

William's just turned down Anna Scott.

You daft prick.

No. no.
No. no. it's actually quite sensible.

That painting
isn't the original, is it?

Um, you know,
l think it might be, yeah.

But she said
she wanted to go out with you.

- Yeah.
- Well. that's nice.

What?

Well. you know.

anyone saying they wanna go out with you
is pretty great. isn't it?

It was...

sort of... sweet. actually.

Um. I mean.
I know she's an actress and all that...

so she can... deliver a line. but. um.

she said she might be
as famous as she can be.

but also that she was...

just a girl...

standing in front of a boy...

asking him... to love her.

Oh. sod a dog. I've made
the wrong decision. haven't I ?

Yeah.

Max. how fast is your car ?

- Good luck !
- If anyone gets in our way.
we have small nuclear devices.

- Where to?
- All I can think is The Ritz.

- Where's Bella?
- She's not coming.

- Oh. sod that. Bernie. in the back.
- What?

Max. I'm okay.

Come on. babe.

Which way are you going?

Down Kensington Church Street. then
Knightsbridge. then Hyde Park Corner.

- No. crazy. Go along Bayswater.
- That's right. Then Park Lane.

No. straight down to the Cromwell Road.
then left.

Stop right there !
I will decide the route. All right?

Sorry. Max.

James Bond never has to put up
with this sort of shit.

Turn right !

- I can't. It's one way.
- Do a U-turn.

Oh. sod it. Hold on.

Brilliant !

Bloody hell. this is fun !

Sorry.

Hi.
Is Miss Scott staying here?

- No. sir.
- How 'bout Miss Flintstone?

- No. sir.
- Uh. Bambi ?

- No. sir.
- Or. um--

I don't know.
Beavis or Butthead?

No. sir.

Thanks. Thanks.

There was a Miss Pocahontas.

but she checked out
about an hour ago.

I believe she's holding
a press conference at the Savoy...

before flying to America.

We have liftoff.

You have message for Takiama?

I'll just check. sir.

Bugger this for a bunch of bananas.

Stop ! Stop ! Stop !
Stay there ! Go ! Go !

Whoa, whoa, whoa ! Hang on !

Come on ! No ! Wait ! Wait there !

Come on ! Come on ! Wait !

Whoa. whoa. whoa ! Go on !
Through. through !

You're my hero !

Whoa ! Down. boy.

Excuse me.

- Yes?
- Where's the press conference. please?

- Are you an accredited
member of the press?
- Yep.

- There you go.
- That's a Blockbuster Video
membership card. sir.

That's right.
I work for their in-house magazine.

- Movies Are Our Business.
- I'm sorry. sir.

- He's with me.
- And you are?

Writing an article on how London hotels
treat people in wheelchairs.

Yes. of course. madam.
It's in the Lancaster Room.

Though I'm afraid you're rather late.

Run !

Does this mean that Miss Scott
will not be publicizing her next film?

No. it absolutely
does not mean that.

She'll be abiding by
all her present commitments.

She just won't be making
any more for the next year.

When will the film be released?

At the moment,
the plan is to release in America...

towards the end of the autumn,

and over here around Christmas
or early in the new year.

Right ! Dominic.

Anna. how much longer are you
staying in the U.K.. then?

No time at all.
I leave tonight.

Which is why we have to round things
up now, so final questions, please.

Yes. Lady there.

ls your decision to take
a year off anything to do...

with the rumors about Jeff
and his present leading lady?

- Absolutely not.
- Do you believe the rumors?

Well, it's really
not my business anymore.

Though l will say, from my experience,
rumors about Jeff do tend to be true.

Yeah. The last time you were here. there
were some fairly graphic photographs...

taken of you
with a young English guy.

So, uh, what happened there?

He was just a friend.
We're still friends. I think.

Right. um--

Yes. Gentleman in the pink shirt.

Yes. Miss Scott.

are there any circumstances in which...

the two of you...

might be more than just good friends?

I hoped there would be. but no.
I'm... assured there aren't.

- But what would you say if--
- Sorry.Just the one question. please.

No. it's all right.
You were saying?

I was just wondering if. uh.

it turned out that this person, uh--

Thacker. His name was Thacker.

Thanks. thanks.

I just wondered whether if...

Mr. Thacker realized he'd been
a daft prick...

and got down on his knees and...
begged you to reconsider.

whether you would. in fact. then...

reconsider ?

Yes. I believe I would.

That's very good news.
Um--

The readers of Horse & Hound
will be absolutely delighted.

Right. Uh. Dominic. if you'd
like to ask your question again?

Yeah? Anna, how long are you
intending to stay here in Britain?

Indefinitely.

- What happened?
- It was good.